My baby turned 12 weeks an hour ago. As the clock struck midnight and rolled into a new day, I was in the midst of birthing my beautiful L. I can still feel the feeling I had when she was placed on me. I can still feel the moment my heart grew.
I consider the first 12 weeks to be the newborn stage. There is no doubting that there is a “cloud” that lifts after this time. It’s a cloud that you don’t necessarily notice until you are on the other side of it, looking back and have a moment where you think “you know what, that was hard !” With the end of this chapter I say goodbye to my newborn. It’s over again before I had a chance to blink. I get sad when a phase passes in my children’s lives. I don’t cope we’ll with them growing up!! Whilst I outwardly celebrate their milestones with them, inside I am sad thinking I will never get to see x,y or z for the first time again. L’s play has changed now and she chats and smiles at us and her toys. She reaches for things and responds to games such as being tickled with a feather or having a small ball rolled over her arms, legs and tummy. She loves songs that involve actions like round and round the garden and pat-a-cake on her bottom.Yes it is wonderful, amazing even, being able to really interact with my baby. It is nice to ‘get something back’ after those first few weeks of give, give, give with nothing but a sleeping baby as way of thanks but once those days are gone, they are gone and sappy me finds this hard!!!
Both my children, I believe, came to our family at times they were needed most. They came into this world with ‘jobs’, to help our family in some way. I fell pregnant with L 5 months after losing my Dad. Following his death I was very ill, stressed and tired. In the months that follow losing someone you go on auto-pilot as way of survival but when the dust settles reality starts to hit. Falling pregnant with L was a gift. I was well again and she gave me a new focus. I fell pregnant with none of the drama that came with falling pregnancy with C and I truly believe I have my dad to thank. In a weird circle-of-life kind of way, she came to us when she was needed the most. From the onset it was clear she had landed in the right cabbage patch! She belonged and slotted into our little family as if she had always been here.
And so to my dear baby girl, on your 12 week birthday, I say thank you. Thank you for the joy you have brought to us. Thank you for the snuggles, even the 2am ones! Thank you for the smiles that light up the room. Thank you for our chats and for pretending to like my singing voice! Thank you for enjoying the games and mothering that your big sister likes to do with you!
Thank you for giving me the gift of being your mother xxx