You’ve gotta’ dance like there’s nobody watching…-William Watson Purkey.
There is an innocence about childhood that makes it such a privilege to be part of a child’s life. As a parent, I want to wrap my children up and preserve this innocence for as long as possible. I never want them to know the world gets nastier than mum not giving them ‘yo-yo’ (yoghurt) number 3 for the day or to experience heartache and loss like I have felt. Alas, this is the world and this is life and one day my children will worry, fear and in hurt in some way.
On Monday we took C to the Christmas windows in Bourke St Mall. She was a picture perfect angel in the crowds, if you ignore her using her small stature to barge to the front of every window! The enormity of the windows were too large for her to take in – how can you explain that kneeling with your nose pressed against the glass is going to mean you miss a lot of what’s on display? She didn’t care! In the corner of each window there was a tiny frog scene and this is what captured my girl’s attention.
Following the windows C was particularly taken by a Cuban pipe player. In the middle of Bourke St Mall, not an inhibition in sight, my beautiful girl danced her little heart out. She was the busker’s only active audience member but her claps and cheers with each song made up for it I think. I received many smiles from passers by – a little bit of Christmas joy on their lunch breaks! It cost me the coins in my pocket but it’s a memory I will treasure for a long time. One day she’ll worry how she looks but today she is in her own wonderful, happy world.
Happy days like Monday are so important to me at the moment. Lately it seems C is feeling a bit ‘lost’. She has been pacing rather than playing, frustrated and tired. She has seemed slightly withdrawn at times. It has been an incredibly frustrating time for me and at times our seemingly similar temperaments have clashed (not the first time it will happen I’m sure!). My Mum put it beautifully for me, “she’s pausing in life, waiting for her next big change.” and she’s probably right. C is most certainly developing quickly into her own person and asserting her independence in our house. I try to allow her to explore this as much as possible. I have many photos of her back as she likes to run in front of us on our walks, she chooses to close the back door so she can play outside on her own and in her latest display of indepence, she climbed down from the dinner table tonight, plate in hand and took herself to our outside table to eat! It’s wonderful and frustrating all at the same time and whilst this behaviour sends a snapshot of some of the challenges life with C may bring as she grows, it also makes me incredibly proud.
Apologies for the jump in topic – thinking out loud! I guess in a way I am a lot like C. Pausing as I adjust to life with 2. As we muddle through the days in slightly less of a muddle than we muddled a few weeks ago, I will keep my dancing angel in mind! I’ll take the time over the Christmas period to dance like no ones watching, to try something new and to be ‘me’ in whatever form that comes!